dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
