I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize