Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
