We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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