We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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