i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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