scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
