Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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