He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
