Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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