Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Houston, we have a squirter
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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