I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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