We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
