going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
