So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
