Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
