Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
