you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
