I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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