I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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