Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
