I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
