Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
