Non-Jews are for practice
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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