yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
