My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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