so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
