What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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