woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize