I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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