I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The ass gains better be worth it
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