if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
