My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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