I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
