apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
