Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
