She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
