if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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