just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
