last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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