Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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