Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Life is so much better after having sex.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
