It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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