I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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