I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
