u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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