he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
