Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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