batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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