You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
