too bad you live with your parents still
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
