Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
