The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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