I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize