I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
