just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
