She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the liver wants what the liver wants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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