Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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