I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
