She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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