Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
