Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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