Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I need moral support for this bender
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
