? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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