EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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