I just saw a hot homeless man
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
