This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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