Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
