DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
