I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
