i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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