I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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