She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
