Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
