There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
